SEAMS S1: Guile

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Just talked to Farhad. He told me what happened. Are you a hundred percent sure you’re pregnant?

Direct Message from InsuredLegs

Tari, I’m so worried. I’ve used like three PT strips and one of those expensive ones and all are positive. And Saanyol’s told me to fuck off. :'(

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Oh wow! This is not good. Have you found a good D&C yet? My model friends flush them out all the time. I could help you ask.

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Oh God! What are you suggesting? I can’t get an abortion! I’d never ever do that! God! :'(

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Err… Was just being practical, no need to go psycho. In that case, when are you telling your parents? You should go see your exam officer…

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

…And probably defer your education for a year. And probably get a new wardrobe. How far along are you?

DirectMessage from InsuredLegs

I have no idea. Just found out a few days ago. I can’t go and see our family doctor he’ll just tell my dad. And my dad will kill me. :'(

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Are you free later today? We can go see my gynaecologist. I got an IUD recently, so I still have his number.

DirectMessage from InsuredLegs

I’ll skip my classes tomorrow instead. Is 12pm good? My dad knows I don’t have classes before then so I can’t leave earlier than 10.

DirectMessage to InsuredLegs

Okay, I’ll call him now.


The bus to Yaba was half full as Farhad climbed in and took a corner seat in the back. A rotund woman with little sprigs of hair lining her chin climbed in after him and shimmied her way down to the wooden seat, squishing him into the exposed metal frame of the bus and the two other passengers into each other.

“Ema binu omo mi.” She mumbled and began to pat the intricate braiding on her head. Definitely Yoruba. He half regretted deciding to use public transportation, but even regretted getting talked into confronting Saanyol by Tariebi. He needed this trip to be as long as possible so he could think. The bus lagged as they waited for passengers and the intermittent slowing down and revving up as they dropped off and picked up passengers on their way to Yaba provided a background din to his thoughts. Saanyol would probably not listen to him, after all he’d known him for barely a month and they hadn’t exactly become best buddies. That was Xhiz’s job and that one took it extra serious. In that moment, he felt really sorry for Kike. She would have to raise a child with someone like Saanyol.

“Sabo!!!” The conductor yelled as they approached the overhead bridge at the T-junction that was the landmark of the area.

“Sabo, Owa!” Farhad said in his nasal fulani voice and got a couple of chuckles. People always laughed when he tried to speak yoruba. He alighted the bus and walked down the slightly bustling street towards the E-Centre complex. He immediately spotted Saanyol’s SUV parked on the adjacent street. Farhad dug out his phone again and checked the time. He was already thirty minutes late.



Xhiz gave himself a once over in the massive reflective sliding doors that ushered visitors into the Adegoke mansion. He’d spotted the house with its faux spire the moment he turned into their street. The cylindrical protusion from the roof gave it away. Louise had told him about it once, called it her skylight room. The uniformed guard at the gate had let him in on Louise’s instruction and now he was waiting in the cobbled courtyard, eyeing the massive cages beside the generator shed that held the family’s slobbering pet rottweilers. Louise came out to the balcony and looked down at Xhiz checking himself out in the foyer’s sliding doors and her heart skipped a beat. He looked so good in his porkpie hat pushed onto the back of his head framing his mountain of hair. His plaid shirt and skinny jeans perfectly complemented him body perfectly. She watched him a few more seconds before reluctantly calling out to him.

“Hey! I’ll be down soon.”

Xhiz started when he heard Louise from above him. He straightened up and peered at her in her minnie mouse pj’s and her long hair surprisingly straight, falling down to her back and smiled. He felt for his wallet and checked the pouch that held his condoms. Two Durex condoms and one gold circle remained. Thank God he was ever ready. He’d thought she wanted him to meet her parents but this might end up much much better.

After a few minutes later, the sliding doors opened and Louise came out in cargo pants, an oversized tee and minimal make up. Xhiz couldn’t keep his eyes off her hair. She’d straightened it out and it just framed her face like a halo of black lushness. They went into the grand living room and he hugged her, gently stroking her hair. She breathed deeply. He wore strange mixture of cologne that had him smelling of earth and flowers. It always grounded her, like nature. She reluctantly stepped away and smiled.

“You should come up to my room.”

Xhiz’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

She nodded and took his hand. They walked up the two flights of stairs that led to her floor of the house. He was led past the guest bedroom and enjoining bathroom to the second door at the end of the corridor painted a muted blue. Louise opened the door and ushered him into a ridiculously large room awash with multiple shades of blue. It was like an assault on his eyes. Every single thing in the room was a shade of blue, even the four poster bed straight out of a fairytale complete with navy blue chiffon draperies. Louise parted the curtains and they sat on the bed together. He leaned in to kiss her and she hesitated for a second before kissing him back for a few minutes. He’d begun to get into a rhythm when she abruptly pulled back and shuffled off the bed. She was doing that thing where she timed her kisses on the ridiculous theory that once a kiss exceed a certain number of minutes it awakened the lust inside. She went to the small fridge at the corner of the room and fished out a coke, putting it on the stack of photo albums atop the fridge and carrying everything over to the bed. She pushed it all him and beamed.

“Don’t you want to see pictures of me as a child?”

“Sure, sure.” Xhiz replied woodenly.

She was doing that thing again when she went from his almost lover to a polite stranger. But he didn’t let it annoy him, she eventually let him get do whatever he wanted provided he took charge. They went through the pictures together, she pointing out souvenirs from trips to Dubai and England and New York and her cousins from the extended family, most of whom she kept calling brother or sister before having to clarify for him. He felt a little sorry for her, he could never understand how lonely growing up an only child was. Despite how much his elder brother and sister went out of their way to annoy him, he couldn’t imagine his life without them around. It took them almost an hour to the go through the three bulky photo albums. He actually laughed through the last one, which was filled with pictures of her friends, many of which she’d printed from her phones. Funny as it was, being so close to her in such privacy was doing things to his head. He set the albums aside, closed the space between them and nuzzled her neck, whispering his most inappropriate intentions. She shivered, almost leaning into him before shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts and drew away from him for the second time.

“Xhiz, we need to talk.”

Xhiz straightened. ‘Talks’ never ended well.

“What about?”


She’d never referred to them as an ‘us’ before.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

Louise began to wring her hands. “Well, a few days ago, I’d decided I was never going to be with you like that again.”


“I mean I’d decided I was never going to get intimate with you again. Because you aren’t mine and as much as I like you Xhiz, I can’t continue. But then I realised it wouldn’t be fair to you. It would be fair to just end things when we could be more…”

“Louise, what are you talking about?” Xhiz asked in utter bewilderment.

Louise’s voice became even more tinier than it usually was. “Well a couple of days ago, I found out I had Gonorrhoea. And you’re the only person I could have gotten it from. I haven’t been with anyone else…”

Xhiz tried to cut in but Louise put a finger to his lips.

“Xhiz, I’m not blaming you or anything. I’m not even angry with you, not anymore at least. I realise it’s not your fault. We were just friends with benefits and I didn’t ask to be exclusive so you probably got it from someone else who didn’t tell you. I’ve started antibiotics to kill it off and I got you prescriptions too. This could be a new start for us. We could become exclusive, a proper couple.”

“Wait, what?” Xhiz’s head was reeling.  He had Gonorrhoea? And he’d gotten Louise infected? How did he even get it?

“Yeah, I talked to Saanyol and he told me…”

“You talked to Saanyol?!!” Xhiz exclaimed.

“Yeah, I did.” She replied, her voice tinged with disgust.

“What did he say?”

“Well he told me the truth about you.”

Xhiz drew uncomfortably close and held Louise’s hand in his.

“Louise, you have to believe me. Forget whatever he told you, Saanyol and I have only made out a couple of times and all the times it happened I was drunk. I don’t know why he would paint things otherw…”

Louise froze. The look of shock on her face told Xhiz all he needed to know. She’d had no idea about him and Saanyol. She began to mumble, more to herself than to him.

“So that’s why you both are so close, Saanyol said you were seeing other people. I wondered when he said ‘people’ and how he knew you and I had gone to third base.”

She began to cry. “Oh my God! Oh my God! And I let him take me to his doctor friend. They must have been laughing at me the whole time!”

Xhiz tried to hug her and she pushed him away like he had the plague and stalked off the bed to the door. Her voice was quivering with the weight of unshed tears.

“Chibuzor Anagor, please leave my house.”

Xhiz picked up his porkpie hat and placed it back on his head and shuffled out, eyes pleading her to understand.

“Xhiz!” She called from her doorway. He turned, almost at the top of the stairwell. She threw something at him and slammed her door shut. He caught it in mid-air and opened the brown envelope packet. Two boxes of antibiotic pills sat at the bottom.

2:42pm @JunieThePoet: Fuck men! Every single one of them. Just when you think you’ve found a prince, he turns into a pig! Ugh!

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2:45pm JunieThePoet: I feel so stupid right now. And I even wanted to take things seriously with him.

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2:51pm JunieThePoet: @EntertainMe, you were right, @FuckMeImStupid gives the most ‘surprising’ gifts. Fucking Idiot!

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DirectMessage from EntertainMe

Xhiz, do pray tell why your fuck buddy is building a fort in my mentions?

DirectMessage to EntertainMe

Dude, I mistakenly told Louise that you and I were messing around.

DirectMessage from EntertainMe

WTF?!!! Please tell me this is a joke. How do you ‘mistakenly’ tell someone something like that?

DirectMessage to EntertainMe

I’m still slapping myself for it. It was a missunderstanding. I’ll explain when we see.

DirectMessage from EntertainMe

I don’t need you to tell me anything. I need you to fix this bullshit. Chibuzo, don’t fucking play with me. Fix this shit!


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